Pittsburgh Confidential

SHALASKA’S BODY-DOUBLE BLUNDER

Rumours have been circulating for ages about the strange and bizarre behavior exhibited by Sharon Needles and Alaska Thunderfuck.  Sources have expressed concerns about their plastic surgery missteps, eating disorders, drug-fueled orgies, out-of-control spending, and even the bizarre cult associations of Pittsburgh’s favorite drag couple—but now some say they have officially gone too far.  At the much publicized “Night of 1000 Cherri’s,” some are accusing them of not actually performing and sending body doubles in their place—Yes, body doubles!  “This is just too much, did they think we wouldn’t notice?  They weren’t even that pretty,” tattles an inside source.   It’s long been said that Sharon has a deep fear of assasination attempts (possibly due to her outspoken Illuminati connections), but now it seems they both share the fear.  One source, who has worked for the couple says “All along, everyone thought Sharon was the crazy one, but now, I don’t know.  When I hear these things, I just worry for them both.”  According to witnesses at the event, the alleged “fake Shalaska” didn’t even look much like them, or know the words to Sharon and Alaska’s ground breaking hit single “Kai Kai” (available on iTunes).  Family members refuse to comment publicly but have asked that concerned people pray for Sharon and Alaska and their swift return to sanity.   Lets hope prayers are enough.

MYSTERY QUEEN ROBS WESTERN PA BANK

WPXI’s website reports that a “6 foot 6 inch man wearing a wig and women’s clothes” held up a First National Bank branch on Thursday in Richland Township near Johnstown.  

No one was hurt, and the ravishing robber simply used a note demanding money to pull off the caper.  

The cross-dressing culprit was reportedly wearing “a straight-haired red wig, black dress and shoes, and was carrying a handbag.”  Sound familiar?  This description could profile a countless number of Pittsburgh queens— Could one of our local girls be so desperate for a booking that she would stoop to… Robin Banks?  Only time will tell.  

MORE BOTCHED PLASTIC SURGERY?

Randy Gentile has been going to a lot of trouble to hide his face recently (shown here at a neighborhood barbeque), and sources say it is because of another botched plastic surgery job— this time on his nose.  Long a fan of a “little nip and tuck” it seems Gentile may have gone too far this time.  He doesn’t seem to be wearing any bandages, but sources say “no one has gotten a good look at his nose since he supposedly went to Europe with Sharon Needles several weeks ago. He rarely goes out anymore, and turns away whenever someone gets too close, its just weird.  I’m worried about him.”  Another friend says “He’s so good looking, I don’t know why he keeps doing this to himself.  He had a great nose”. Will Randy realize he has gone too far, or will he continue down the path so many of his other friends have?  Only time will tell.

ARE THEY OR AREN’T THEY?

Spotted together at a recent cat circus and musical act, rumours have always flown about Jenifer Cooney and Kelsey Branca.  Once inseparable, the two haven’t been spotted together in quite sometime, until recently that is.  A source close to Kelsey says ” I’m not saying she is a lesbian, but come on, who else goes to a cat circus?” Although the venue was dark, several sitting near by did say that Jen and Kelsey really seemed to be enjoying being with each other, as well the music of Tuna and the Rockcats.  

Both have always remained tight lipped about the nature of their “relationship.”  Branca says, “I have many close friends who I spend time with” and Cooney has stated many times that whom she dates is private and nobody’s business.  Their recent outing may blow the lid off these ambiguous statements and force them out of the closet once and for all. 

CHERRI BAUM SNUBBED BY SHARON NEEDLES

Cherri Baum’s highly anticipated farewell tour continues tonight at the Brillobox with Night of 1000 Cherri’s.  But the hostess of the event, Sharon Needles, might be a no-show!

The event, (available here:  https://www.facebook.com/events/257086474433636/?fref=ts) features a star-studded cast, and has been advertising that the former Drag Superstar would be the hostess and mistress of ceremonies for tonight’s revelries.  But reports of an arrest in Southern Florida suggest that the queen of spook might be on the other side of the country!

Is this vicious prank the ultimate shade from Ms. Needles?  Or could the mix-up be due to the diva being over-booked by her ever-demanding management company?  

As of press time, the whereabouts of Sharon Needles remain unconfirmed.  Perhaps she’ll be pulling an all-nighter, and might just be appearing at Night of 1000 Cherri’s tonight at the Brillobox after all.  Only time will tell.  

SHARON NEEDLES ARRESTED IN SOUTHERN FLORIDA

Superstar Sharon Needles was apprehended by authorities Saturday night citing unknown charges.  While authorities declined to comment, this picture was posted to her Facebook Saturday evening with the following quotation:

Only been in Florida for an hour, and there’s already trouble. Come help make more tonight at The Manor in Wilton Manors”

Ms. Needles has a history of public indecency and public urination— Could today’s arrest be related, or is it simply a well-timed publicity stunt?  Only time will tell.  

SHARON NEEDLES ILLUMINATI SHOCKER

Could Sharon Needles be the next illuminati poster girl?  Pittsburgh Confidential has uncovered irrefutable evidence that could suggest that Pittsburgh’s Queen of Shock could be a newly inducted member into the New World Order.  

Illuminati imagery can be found throughout the spooky songbird’s career, but below are images from a recent Flaunt magazine spread, and a candid photo recently posted to Alaska Thunderfuck’s Facebook page.  

Triangles, one eye being covered, and Illuminati hand symbols are all tell-tale signs that Ms. Needles is Flaunting the fact that she has been taken into the fold of the Illuminati, and is now promoting their sinister agenda.  

Thanks to cosmetics and plastic surgery, we’ve all known Sharon to be a great transformer.  But could the drag diva actually be a shapeshifter?  Only time will tell.  

AMY VODKAHAUS SLAMS CHERRI BAUM

In a, shall we say, “tribute” to Cherri Baum in honor of her send off to New York City, Bosnian drag star Amy Vodkahaus released this scathing send-up of the legendary Ms. Baum.  

View it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0LPn30OUJKI

Green leotard?  Check.  Shoe-free realness?  Check.  Wig switch?  Check.  

But the next time she attempts such an illusion, Ms. Vodkahaus might want to replicate the precision of Cherri Baum’s dance moves, and maybe perform to a larger crowd— like the crowd that is sure to be at Night of 1000 Cherri’s tomorrow night at the Brillobox (https://www.facebook.com/events/257086474433636/?fref=ts).  

Was this video a friendly jab, a vicious read, or perhaps a last-ditch attempt by Ms. Vodkahaus to join the all-star lineup of Cherri’s farewell tour?  Only time will tell.